Evening Personalities Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's leading hosts used their broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration initiative, called the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys everything he touches."

The focus was the new program which enables international nationals to acquire U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "premium" option for $5 million. A government website guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One thought for you to affluent immigrants: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, involving significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll numbers during economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.