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The current period marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed glossary to the words gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions affirm your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {